Mother-Daughter Relationships are Beautiful - And Also Hard ASF

I am a PROUD mother of three children.  I emphasize that because I am at a point where I can say that fully and confidently, but that wasn’t always the case. Back when I was twenty-five, unmarried, and pregnant with my first child, I felt anything but proud. Instead, I was ashamed and felt like a failure in life, and a large part of that was because of the harsh words my mother said to me when I told her that I was pregnant. I was an 1L in law school and I knew the timing wasn’t great, but I was not ready for the vitriol that she came at me with, and it started a fracture in our relationship that has taken many years (and many, many loud arguments) to heal.  So I bring all this up to say that I was not prepared for the way that Ties That Tether by Jane Igharo made me sit back and think about how far I've come in my relationship with my mother. I mean i jumped into this book expecting a light, rom-com read and instead there were points when I had to close the book and process through my feelings because the internal conflict and relationship between the main character and her mother struck so close to home.  

“Mommy, you don’t love me enough. Your love, like your forgiveness, has conditions.” - Azere

Ties That Tether tells the story of Azere, a proud Nigerian woman living in Toronto, Canada. Before the family moved to Canada, Azere made a wish to her father on his deathbed  that she would marry an Edo man in order to preserve their culture. She has no plans to deviate from that promise until she falls in love with a white man and it forces her to question and throw away  all the well-laid plans that  she had for her life. 

I thought this book was great!  It was very fast-paced and launched almost immediately into the conflict and juicy bits that set up the story. My only critique would be that Azere’s love interest, Raphael, is holding onto a “deep” secret and I feel like the author dragged out the reveal of his skeletons. I feel like we could have gotten the big reveal a whole 50 pages earlier.  Besides, Azere’s mom had a way juicier secret. But all in all, I definitely enjoyed this story.  It gave me a lot to think about and took me through a whole range of all emotions which I didn't expect when I first picked it up. 

So as I look at my beautiful daughter, I am determined to make sure that our relationship is not like mine and my mother’s. She’s a baby now so it’s easy enough, but I know we will have some storms ahead. I want to make sure that I guide her along her journey to womanhood lovingly,  and that my lessons have none of the cruel and bitter criticism that I had to grow past in my own relationship with my mom. But I am happy to say that even though I still give my mother serious side-eyes at some points, we are much better than where we were before, and for that I am grateful. 

Ties That Tether was a beautiful, heartwarming story that I will recommend to anyone that asks.